Curse of the Living
by Blonde Pickle Mule
Summary: Remus Lupin has lost everything. All his friends are gone...he's alone. As he sits by the graves of James and Lily, he tries not to loose himself in his grief.


**Done for the Hogwarts Online Foum Prompt of the Day. ****"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear."**

**Disclaimer: Nothing from Harry Potter belongs to me in any shape or form.**

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With a deep sigh he knelt at the newly turned earth, watching as fresh drops of rain turned the surface from light to dark. The white marble headstone glittered in the darkness, the last words of the dead staring back at him. The service had been earlier today- quiet and undisturbed, something Remus was thankful for.

So many people had been missing. Little Harry had never been able to say goodbye to his parents, Sirius wasn't able to bid his best friend farewell (or, at least, the Sirius he thought he knew), Peter was dead...Remus was the only one left. He hadn't really come to terms with it yet; being alone without a friend in the world. He didn't suppose he ever would.

For so long he'd thought things were getting better, that they'd get through this. He had friends, a stable job, transformations weren't nearly so painful any more- why, when he was finally in a good place did everything have to come crashing down?

"James...Lily..." He whispered, trying very hard to speak round the lump in his throat. "Why did you have to go?" Remus knew he sounded very much like a child, but at the moment he didn't care. The first tears began to burn his eyes as he tried to hold himself together.

In truth he was afraid- afraid of being alone, afraid of death. Until now death had never been so...oh he didn't know how to put it. His parents had died before now, some of the Order had died before now, but the death of James and Lily had struck something. Their death was his undoing- he'd lost everything he had left. His friends had been his solid rock through everything and now they were gone, just like everyone else.

It was raining in earnest now. The drops were freezing cold and heavy, dripping down his nose and off his chin. They mingled with his own traitorous tears as Remus gave himself to the grief. What was he going to do? Where was he going to go? Darkness had descended on his world in the flip of a switch. He feared the future, feared what it held for him now.

As he shook with emotion and the cold, Remus could barely form a coherent thought. James and Lily's names burnt like a brand on the stone in front of him- he found himself unable to look away. Today should have been so happy. Voldemort, the foe they'd fought for years, was gone...so why did he feel worse than before? Why was he more scared for himself than ever before?

"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear." The words tugged themselves out of him, directed at those who could no longer hear them. There wasn't anyone left to listen. The thought hit the broken man hard, draining everything, leaving him hollow.

No one left to listen. It always seemed to come back to that. As a child he quickly learnt to keep his troubles to himself- he was already a burden to his parents, although they never said it. Until Hogwarts he'd never had any friends. And now he was by himself yet again, having had the taste of a happy man's life and knowing he could never get it back.

The rain was beginning to lighten again, leaving the night calm and peaceful. Remus Lupin stayed at the graves of his best friends till the late Autumn sun began to rise, watching the world go on as if nothing had happened.

For the next week he felt nothing. The week after that he felt tired. At the end of the first month he wanted to curl up and die. For the next few years he simply lived, going from place to place in search of work, every time being rejected for what he was. Each time it happened he was reminded of another time and place, where a black haired boy with glasses joked about his "time of month."

It never stopped hurting.

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**Ehhhhh...I don't like it. I dunno...it's not terrible, but it's not great. **


End file.
